Cereal

Posted: October 1, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

I’m sitting at the table, eating cereal with my 3 year old daughter, just thinking about all the things I didn’t have as a kid, but wanted, that I can now provide for my child. Just something as simple as cereal brought up all types of memories, fun times, and shit I hated. So I’m going to share with you the top 3 cereals I couldn’t stand growing up. Some of you can totally relate to everything I’m about to say, while others may not relate at all. This is just a glimpse of what it was like eating cereal in a low income household.

#3- The BAG cereal!!

Now number 3 is pretty vague. It’s not anything specific, but it’s a type. Remember going down the cereal isle and passing all the GOOD QUALITY, NAME BRAND cereal and getting to the bag cereal? Believe me, I was grateful to get that cereal when I could. It’s better than the next 2, but it’s nothing like the real thing. You see names like Fruity Rocks, Apple O’s, and Cereal Treasures! (Fruity Pebbles, Apple Jax, and Lucky Charms in case you didn’t get that) Remember reading “If you like ______, TRY THIS”?

And what was with the size of the bags themselves!? It was a Puppy Chow size bag of cereal!

#2- King Vitamin

There’s a split here in recognition. I guarantee that half of you just LIT UP and I don’t have to say anything else, and the other half have NO CLUE why other half of you lit up. I don’t know if the store that sold this cereal is a national chain, but here in Philadelphia, we have a store called Murry’s. Murry’s sells “cheap” food, usually in bigger quantities, and almost always 70% bread. It doesn’t matter if it were chicken nuggets, pickles, or cereal, it was breaded. King Vitamin cereal had an old guy on the front, wearing a crown, with an “eye raping” look on his face. The cereal itself was just lightly sugared ROCKS. If you put too much on your spoon…. you tore the roof of your mouth up! But all cereals EVER MADE don’t compare to the “shitty-ness” of the worst cereal I remember from childhood.

#1- Puffed Wheat

Of all the shitty cereals my mom could have bought, Puffed Wheat takes the cake as the worst of them all… by far. What was on the minds of the people who made this!? Maybe misery. Puffed wheat came in a see through bag, the size of a large pillow, and it weighed less than an ounce. I can’t make that up, there was no weight to this stuff. It was just balls of cardboard; no sugar, no flavor, PURE TORTURE IN A BOWL. Puffed wheat made sugar a commodity in our house, and we barely had sugar to begin with. If you ate a bowl of Puffed Wheat by itself, you were starving.

One day, when my daughter is really getting on my nerves, I’m going to empty the cabinets and fill it bags of one kind of cereal. Yes… flavorless pain in a bag.

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