Posts Tagged ‘men’

The Real difference in Sex

Posted: February 17, 2009 in Social Talk
Tags: , , ,

I want to talk about an issue that most people I know want me to discuss. It’s the differences in men and women that greatly affect our relationships. It isn’t the biological, or primary characteristics, differences that make the issue. That’s a biological topic and that isn’t what this is about. It’s the gender roles that society has made that make for social issues and conflict regardless of your sexual orientation.

What really sets people apart besides our “parts” is our gender roles. Gender roles are the attitudes and activities society attaches to a gender. It has been around just about as long as humanity has been around. Thousands of years ago when human kind were just hunters and gatherers, men did the hunting because of there size and strength and women did the gathering of fruits and vegetables and tended the family. As our societies have evolved from the agricultural days of yesteryear to the post industrialized nations of today, gender roles have not changed to much. Until more recently society has cast clear roles for men and women. Men were money makers and women were home makers. Many other attitudes and activities of what each gender “should” do have come from those basic idea of logic and emotion.

Men in our society tend to think with logic and independence. From the time we are babies we are put in a world of basketballs and blue. Our parents look for a way to balance that testosterone in our system by enrolling us sports. It’s there we learn complex rules and clear objections to win the game with teamwork and cooperation of our fellow teammates. What is also very important to the development of our character is we learn competition. These develop what we see as masculine traits and it almost dictates our thought processes. Since we are shown rules and victory, we see society the same way. Take this simple scenario for example- A women gets caught stealing 30 dollars in groceries from the super-market. What should her punishment be? I’ll get back to this later.

Women in our society tend to think with emotion and cooperation. They too play games as children but there are major differences in how its played. For the most part, there is no major victory in games female children play. Look at jump rope and hopscotch as an example. Instead of the clear rules of typical male activities, there usually are few rules. Other activities girls, something as simple as chatting at recess, also helps in building strong communication and cooperating skills on an interpersonal level.

Now back to the problem earlier with the woman stealing a groceries. Most men  will view the punishment as it would be for anyone else. It doesn’t matter who steals groceries, everyone will recieve the same consequences because it’s fair. That’s our brains using reasoning from abstract principles. For most of us, “rightness comes from playing by the rules.” like the activities we engage in as children. Women may also see it the same way, but may want to know “why” the woman stole the food. Maybe she lost her job or maybe she desprately trying to feed her kids as a single parent. Women use reasoning with emotion and interpersonal skills of connectedness.

It’s because of these inert mindsets that issues and conflict arise. I’ve  heard couples have disagreements that led to arguments because of the perspective each gave on the same thing. In the case with the woman stealing, a woman may try to make a point in telling the living condition of the woman and her partner may completely disagree because he sees the rules that should be followed and the consequences of breaking them. The woman may tell him she understands and still try to make her argument, but the man just doesn’t want to hear it because of his logic.

How many times have you heard something similar to that on any subject? Next time you hear a couple disagreeing, try to take notice to the woman using emotion in her perspective and the man using logic. It’s amazing how much you hear. Who’s to say who is right or wrong? Maybe we can work and put our thoughts together to come to an equally satisfying decision. Traditionally, men are seen as dominant, independent, rational, strong, active, competitive,  and insensitive beings. Whereas women are seen as submissive, dependent, emotional, intuitive, cooperative, and sensitive beings. Thankfully these lines between masculinity and femininity are beginning to blur. I have only scratched the surface of the issues with men and women. There are many other differences and issues that affect our relationships with others of the same and opposite sex. Hopefully my basic perspective helps shed light on why our partners may do some of the things they do.